he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
