Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
