You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
