i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
