He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
