dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
