I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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