Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
