I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
