fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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