He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
