So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
