People with herpes should wear stickers.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
