I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You pole danced in your parka.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
