question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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