you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
