Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
