You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
