Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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