My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
