Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
