Swine flu. Run for my life!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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