I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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