She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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