I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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