never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
