so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
