hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
