Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
