You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
