May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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