Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize