im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will be naked everywhere
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize