i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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