I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
