That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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