I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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