just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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