If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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