i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
