i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
