Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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