I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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