I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
