I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
