She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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