I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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