Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
