i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
