Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
