our cab driver is having phone sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
