My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
