I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
