Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
