I am puke
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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