I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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