I'm gonna have a badass scar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
