I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
