ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize