i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
