There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
