TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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