Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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