I could make wine with my vomit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
