Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
