I want to make a zoo with you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
