I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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