is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His nipple licking is glorious
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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