He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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