A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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