i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
