Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
