i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
