Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
