just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
