I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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