If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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