i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
