sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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