how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
