tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
