i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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